The “You should’ve Asked” Issue
Kelly Gonsalves, a sex educator and relationship coach, describes the issue surrounding the phrase "You should've asked". It highlights the prevalent expectation that women should be solely responsible for managing the household and family, while men are only expected to lend a hand when explicitly requested.
This perpetuates gender inequality in relationships as it reinforces the notion that domestic work is primarily a woman's responsibility, even as women juggle their careers and other obligations.
The gender disparity in the mental load becomes apparent when a woman expresses her exhaustion and overwhelm, only to be met with her partner's response that he would have helped if she had asked.
This situation serves as a stark illustration of how women are perceived as the default managers of household chores. It places the burden on women to not only carry the mental load but also to explicitly ask for assistance, further contributing to their already heavy workload.
To address gender inequality and promote a more equitable distribution of household labor, it is crucial to:
develop a deeper understanding of the mental load and its impact on women,
recognize the invisible weight that women bear and the toll it takes,
step towards creating a more balanced and supportive environment,
shift in societal expectations and norms,
foster open and honest communication,
promote a culture of shared responsibility,
challenge the traditional gender roles that perpetuate the mental load imbalance.
This includes encouraging men to proactively engage in household tasks without waiting for explicit requests, and empowering women to voice their needs and delegate responsibilities without fear of judgment or criticism.
Furthermore, it is essential to recognize that addressing the mental load goes beyond individual relationships. It requires systemic changes in societal attitudes and policies, such as flexible work arrangements, affordable childcare options, and support networks that alleviate the burden on women.
Only through collective efforts and a commitment to change can we create a future where household labor is shared equitably, allowing both men and women to thrive in all aspects of their lives.
Do you want to learn more about mental load and how to combat it? Sign up for the 3rd Brain mailing list and get in line to try out our app (coming soon) as we are committed to challenging the status quo of household dynamics to help couples share what they have to do so they can do more of what they want to do.
